Actual bumper stickers found on actual cars:

 

Horn broken. Watch for finger.

Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot.

All generalizations are false.

Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

I brake for no apparent reason.

I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

Forget about world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Forget the Joneses. I keep us with the Simpsons.

Born free, taxed to death.

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

Rehab is for quitters.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other time I let him sleep.

Work is for people who don’t know how to fish.

I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

No radio–already stolen.

Real women don’t have hot flashes, they just have power surges.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

OK, who stopped payment on my reality checks?

Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.

Tell me to “stuff it”–I’m a taxidermist.

IRS: we’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Warning: dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

i souport publik edekashun

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

Keep honking–I’m reloading.

Caution: I drive like you do.