A Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 4

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their WIPs on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

Today’s excerpt happens the day after the events of Chapter 2. Hillary is having trouble paying attention in algebra class.

Hillary looked at the blackboard. The equation made no sense to her at all.

“Just follow the steps you wrote down. You did write them down, right? You’ve been scribbling away.” Mr. Belluchi was at her seat in two long strides. Too late, Hillary tried to cover her notebook with her hands.

“Unicorns? You’ve spent this entire period drawing unicorns?”

Laughter broke out all around her.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 4? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

11 responses »

Kim Magennis on May 22, 2016 at 5:39 am said:

Busted! Poor Hillary, it is never nice to be ridiculed, no matter what you have done.

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Christina Ochs on May 22, 2016 at 9:37 am said:

Oops! Though I’m sure she had good reason. 🙂

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Ed Hoornaert on May 22, 2016 at 11:14 am said:

I get the impression Hillary is more suited to a career as a fantasy novellist than as a mathematician.

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on May 22, 2016 at 12:42 pm said:
  
  She’s actually an A student, even in algebra. It’s very uncharacteristic for her to lose her focus in class. It’s just that, in light of what’s recently happened to her, she’s distracted…
  
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rachelauthorbarnard on May 22, 2016 at 2:01 pm said:

I wonder what her unicorns look like… Also, is she going to get in trouble??

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on May 22, 2016 at 2:03 pm said:
  
  Keep visiting ARHtistic License on Sundays for more snippets. Your questions will eventually be answered.
  
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veronicascott on May 22, 2016 at 3:47 pm said:

Uh oh, major embarrassment ahead! Great snippet!

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Teresa Cypher on May 22, 2016 at 4:52 pm said:

I wouldn’t change a thing. I think it’s excellent writing just as it is. It’s a very believable classroom scene.

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on May 22, 2016 at 8:53 pm said:
  
  Thank you, Teresa.
  
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amybraunauthor on May 22, 2016 at 10:24 pm said:

Aww, poor Hillary. This seems like one of those situations where it doesn’t matter how succinct your explanation is– no one’s going to believe her. 😦 Great writing though!

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elizabethalsobrooks on May 23, 2016 at 12:52 am said:

Aw, that’s a bummer.

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