A Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 10

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A Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 10

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their WIPs on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

Hillary has brought her friends Robin and Allie deep into the woods to see the unicorn she discovered. While eating a picnic lunch in the meadow, Hillary and Robin catch a glimpse of the elusive creature and alert Allie.

            “What the heck,” said Allie, jumping to her feet and shading her eyes with her hand. “Where?”

“Look there, between the trees,” said Robin, pointing at the retreating white figure.

“I don’t see any unicorn,” said Allie.

“Right there,” said Robin, still pointing. “That’s his rear end.”

“No, that’s bull crap,” said Allie.

Shock registering on his face, Robin turned to her. “Allie, I saw it. Horn and everything.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 10? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

8 responses »

    • Allie’s still virginal. She’s just not open to the idea. She’s rejected the existence of unicorns from the first mention.

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  1. Nice snippet full of believable dialogue and reactions. The only small suggestion I have is that perhaps shock should register on Robin’s face when he first sees the unicorn rather than a couple paragraphs later.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Robin’s reaction to the unicorn happens about five sentences before this excerpt–he sees it a moment before he points it out to Allie. His shock in the last paragraph is to her negative reaction. Sorry–it’s so hard to give context for 10 sentences.

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