Another Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 13 (12)

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Another Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 13 (12)

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

I went on a writer’s retreat last weekend. I wrote a detailed post about it, which will go live on my blog on September 24, 2016. However, you need to know that the consensus of the retreat critique group is that my story starts in Chapter Two. Sigh. After much soul-searching, I agreed. Chapter One is no more. So although this excerpt is from the same chapter as last week’s, it is now Chapter Twelve instead of Chapter Thirteen. I’m feeling a little disoriented, thus the split personality of this post’s title.

Beth and Dave, two wannabe ecologists, are wandering around in the woods, looking for a stream. They plan to collect a sample and determine the level of pesticides in the water. However, they can’t seem to find the stream.

“Here–hold my purse.” Beth selected a tall pine tree and grabbed an overhead limb. Wedging the toe of her boot into a cleft in the trunk, she gripped the next branch with her other hand and progressed slowly upward, with Dave, safely ensconced on solid ground, watching her. Cautiously, she climbed as high as she could, until her head emerged through the uppermost branches. After looking in all directions, she pointed. “That way,” she called down to Dave.

“Get down here,” whined Dave. When Beth’s feet finally landed next to him, he said, “Are you sure about this?”

“No, but it’s my best guess. Let’s try it and see, unless you have a better idea,” she said, wiping her nose.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13 (I mean, 12)? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

7 responses »

  1. I’m feeling disoriented right now too. I’m moving around pieces of plot, not sure of where they fit. ^^; I figure that we’ll get over it, hopefully in the near future.
    She’s a great climber and I doubt that Dave have any better ideas. XD;

    Liked by 1 person

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