Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.
This snippet begins immediately after last week’s. Hillary and Robin have hiked into the woods to see the unicorn (Bob), and they hear a commotion. They investigate and confront two people who are trying to capture Bob.
A man had one arm around Bob’s neck and held onto his horn with the other. A woman struggled to put a bridle’s bit in the unicorn’s mouth.
Hillary ran directly into the fray. “You’re hurting him!” she shouted as she pushed the woman out of the way. Then she pummeled the man with her fists. Bob twisted himself out of the man’s grasp and galloped away.
The man squared off against Hillary. “What’s the matter with you? We almost had it.”
Stepping between them, Robin challenged, “Back off, mister.”
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 15? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.