Snippet #28 from The Unicornologist

Standard
Snippet #28 from The Unicornologist

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

In last week’s excerpt, Hillary and Robin thwarted two unicorn hunters who were trying to capture Bob (the unicorn). Hillary knows Bob well, but Robin’s only seen him from a distance before. After the hunters leave, Robin gets his first chance to actually touch Bob.

He reached out his hand to stroke the unicorn’s back. Bob responded by nuzzling him, making Robin grin. “He likes me.”

“What’s not to like?” Hillary said. Her face flushed with self-consciousness.

But Robin kept his eyes on Bob. He touched the horn, and quickly pulled back his fingers. “His horn pulsates.”

Hillary touched it tentatively. “It’s vibrating, like energy is running through it.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small snippet from Chapter 16? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

11 responses »

    • In medieval times, they were reputed to be fierce and swift. I don’t know about the vibration thing–that’s artistic license.

      Like

  1. Bob is a great name for a unicorn! 🙂
    If you wanted, in the editing process, you could simplify things. Like “He reached out his hand to stroke the unicorn’s back.” could be “He reached out and stroked the unicorn’s back.”

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s