Weekend Writing Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #35

Weekend Writing Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #35

Happy New Year! Thank you for taking time during your celebration to check out the latest excerpt  of The Unicornologist. Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

7. The Unicorn in CaptivityThe Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Today’s excerpt returns to Hillary. In an excerpt a few weeks ago, Hillary was stuck at home during a thunderstorm, when she had planned to use her parent’s absence (her father and step-mother were on a delayed honeymoon) to camp in the woods so she could guard the unicorn. It’s the next morning, and the rain has finally stopped. (Edited to fit the length restriction.)

As Hillary stepped down from the back porch and walked through the backyard toward the woods, the birds’ song suddenly ceased. She looked up at the gray sky as a dark cloud erased the sun’s light and a chill wind blew.

As she resolutely moved on past the first trees, a branch scraped her face. “Ow!” She touched the abrasion, and blood stained her fingertips.

Holding a tissue firmly against the scratch, she passed deeper into the forest, while the birds continued their ominous silence. Tree branches poked and struck her, as if urging her to turn back. This gloomy, sinister, and unwelcoming forest was so unlike the refuge she’d known and loved so long. Why had it changed?

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 20? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

8 responses »

  1. Fascinating excerpt. One wonders if she’s supposed to be the one to save the unicorn, why the forest would be so hostile to her? Which is a good hook to keep the reader flipping the pages! Enjoyed the snippet, quite vivid. Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow! Thank you for the wonderful compliment.
      By the way, I’m almost finished reading Newborn. Way better than I even suspected from reading the snippets. Nice work! Now I have to buy the rest of the series.


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