Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.
The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.
In today’s snippet, antagonists Dave and Beth have returned to the woods with the intention of finding the unicorn (so they can cut off his horn).
“This is a waste of time–today is not going to end well.” Beth wiped her nose.
“Stop being so negative; you’re attracting bad energy.”
They walked for a while without speaking, then Dave stopped and pointed. “Hoof prints, not horse prints, but kind of split-toe, like a deer almost. Do you think they belong to the unicorn?”
Beth shrugged, and they continued following the tracks for a long time without catching any sight of their quarry. When she couldn’t stand it any longer, Beth said, “Let’s go home. We’ve been walking for hours.”
Dave, looking straight ahead, signaled stop.
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 20? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
Hmm. Can’t say I want them to be successful in their endeavour. I hope the unicorn keeps its horn!
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Oh, I so don’t like them already! Short, but good lead up to what we don’t want to see happen.
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I’m still having trouble with their idea to cut off the horn – I know conservationists do that for rhinos in the real world to save them from poachers but such a sad concept..but the snippet is fine and they’re certainly being very methodical.
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I don’t think it will end well either. Not if they want to cut the unicorn’s horn off. Beth should trust her instincts.
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I’d never thought about Unicorn prints relative to horses… interesting.
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This selection makes your antagonists seem rather bumbling.
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They want to cut off a unicorn’s horn and they’re worried about bad energy? I really hope they don’t succeed!
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I’m agreeing with Christina on this one. 😉
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I hope they manage to save rather than harm the unicorn!
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