Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.
The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.
Hillary, on her quest to protect the unicorn, has a bad first night in the woods. Here’s a little bit of her journal entry:
I don’t think I’d been sleeping very long before voices jolted me awake. I couldn’t make out words, only growls and moans. I wasn’t even sure if the voices were human, or animal sounds. I wished I had my flashlight, but then I remembered where I’d left it–on top of the pillowcase, next to my cache tree.
Trying to sound formidable, I called out, “Who’s there?” Mocking laughter was the only answer I heard. My heart pounding, I maneuvered onto my hands and knees and poked my head out of the tent. In the dark, I could only make out the even darker shapes of tree trunks and limbs. But suddenly I saw thousands of tiny glistening paired lights. Were they…eyes?
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 21? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
I like this, it’s scary and mysterious. Good job.
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The eyes are spooky. (What’s a cache tree? Hiding food from bears? Or??/) Interesting how this story is progressing…
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You got it, Veronica. It’s explained earlier.
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Yikes! Things out there in the dark are always scary. Nice build up of suspense, Andrea!
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Ooh,nothing scarier than eyes in the dark. Great scene!
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I love the spookiness of suddenly confronting a plethora of glowing eyes.
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ooh, eyes. slightly creepy. Love it!
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I like it! I’m not thinking that it’s anything evil, though. If there are unicorns, there must be fairies, right? I’m hoping for fairies. lol Great snippet, Andrea!
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She sure is gutsy to sleep out in the woods. Alone! Great snippet and terrific cliff-hanger. Those eyes! Yikes.
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I’d be a little freaked about now. Great imagery.
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Creepy! More please!
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Yikes! Love it!
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