Weekend Writing Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #43

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #43

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Hillary is camping in the woods by herself so she can keep an eye on the unicorn. She’s settled into a morning routine of going to the stream with her pot to gather water, so she can boil it for drinking. This morning, she also catches her breakfast.

Once there, she took a good look at her pot. The outside had blackened from the flames. Inside, dried noodles clung to the sides. She plunged the pot in the stream and scrubbed it with her washcloth. Little bits of noodle floated downstream.

Hillary’s conscience panged. Was it bad to put noodles in the stream?

wewriwa2She noticed a small fish gobbling up the noodles. Reflexively, her hand darted into the water and closed around the fish, who struggled, so she cupped her other hand around it as well. She walked over to a tree, gripped the fish securely by its tail and, squeezing her eyes shut tight, swung it against the tree trunk.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 22? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

9 responses »

  1. Back in the days when I lived in the middle of north woods wilderness, the rule of thumb was that you could throw out organic waste, like noodles, because something out there would eat it. Corollary #1 — don’t dispose of organic waste too near the house in case bears were the eaters.

    Liked by 1 person

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