Weekend Writng Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #44

Weekend Writng Warriors: Andrea’s Snippet #44

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

On one of Hillary’s daily walks in the forest with the unicorn (Bob), he leads her to the top of a mountain, from which she can see her whole town. While sitting there, looking down…

wewriwa2Absently, she patted Bob’s nearby leg. “Everything looks so different from up here. You’ve shown me my neighborhood from a whole new perspective.” Hillary looked up at Bob’s wise face…

…and saw herself acting snotty toward her step-mother. Conversations in which she responded maliciously to Kate came flooding into her memory. Scenes in which she screamed, “You’re not my real mother!” The hatefulness in her words embarrassed her. The hurt reflected in Kate’s face shamed her. Hillary could hardly breathe. Am I a horrible person?

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 22? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.


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