Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #45

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #45

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Hillary, charged with protecting the unicorn, is camping in the woods all alone.

Yeah, I know, my sentences run on, but I’m trying to abide by the snippet restrictions.

A loud pop pop pop woke Hillary from a sound sleep. She sat up straight and listened, heart pounding. Are hunters shooting at Bob? 

Another pop seemed to come from the direction of the clearing. Shivers ran down her arms, and she carefully stepped around tree roots determined to trip her. Every tree trunk could be hiding a person with a gun.

The trip to the meadow took longer than usual, especially because of the added danger, every minute punctuated with another loud pop, which only added to her dread. When she finally stepped into the clearing, she heard a whistling sound, followed by a bang and a burst of light drawing her eyes upward, where she saw…fireworks!

She ticked the days off on her fingers. Yep—the fourth of July; the town fathers must be setting off a fireworks show down by the lake.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 22? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

10 responses »

    • More than once I’ve thought I heard gunshots and gone into the backyard to investigate only to see fireworks in the sky (most recently New Year’s Eve). I didn’t think it was humorous–just a relief.

      Like

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