Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.
The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.
Hillary is camping in the woods by herself.
A snuffling sound roused Hillary to semi-consciousness. Opening her eyes to pre-dawn gloom, she heard a deep groan. She maneuvered herself onto her hands and knees and peeked out of the tent.
A hulking black shape nosed at the base of a tree by her campsite. Bear, bear, bear!
Hillary crawled out of the far end of the tent and soundlessly rose to her feet. Keeping her eyes on the bear, she backed away.
The bear stood up on its hind legs, sniffed the air, and turned to face Hillary.
Despite her pounding heart, she addressed him with all the assertiveness she could muster. “Bear, I’m not going to bother you, and you’re not going to bother me.”
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 23? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
I admire her creative response to the bear, though I wonder about her common sense. Now, if the bear replies to her, I’ll change my mind. 🙂
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You’ve got to admire her bravery and assertiveness, but not sure if I admire the situation she’s in! Let’s hope that bear is willing to do some negotiating. That is, if it can even talk! 😂😂
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Oh dear, not sure that’s the best way to handle a bear but at least she’s super brave. I wonder what will happen next!
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Actually, I’ve heard of this sort of thing, trying to soothe a bear with your voice. Black bears generally don’t want anything more to do with you than you do with them. Grizzlies, on the other hand … watch out!
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I love her reasonable boldness . . . but will Mr. Bear listen?
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That’s probably the best thing for her to do. As long as the bear doesn’t have any cubs, it will likely leave her alone. I admire her bravery. 🙂
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I’m thinking bears aren’t keen on chatting. lol Good try though.
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Well, at least she tried to be reasonable! 😉
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I like this weekend warrior writing project! How tough is it to decide which snippet to share? Also, I have no desire to face a bear alone in the woods. Good luck with that, Hillary! 🙂
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Thank you. Each week, I just continue through my manuscript looking for the next scene that I can draw a snippet from. Are you on the list?
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