Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.
The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.
Hillary is camping out in the woods by herself (so she can protect the unicorn), unbeknownst to her parents. While gathering firewood, she hears the secret whistle of her former best friend, Allie, and meets her. (Sorry for the wonky punctuation; trying to adhere to the length guidelines.)
“Hi, let’s go to our tree,” said Hillary.
“Climbing trees is kid stuff.”
“Oh–what’s up?”
“Your parents called and asked for you.”
Hillary gulped air.
“Don’t worry, I covered for you—I remembered they were on their honeymoon and you were supposed to stay with us. I said you were at the library and I didn’t want to go. I asked if they were having fun, and your dad said yes. I told them you were fine and they shouldn’t worry, they should just enjoy their honeymoon.”
“Wow, Allie, thanks.”
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 23? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
Well Allie was helpful…at some point Hillary will have a lot of explaining to do though! Enjoyed the snippet…
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Nice that Allie has her back. Good snippet! 🙂
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Good for Allie! But I’m sure she’s going to wonder what Hillary is up to.
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Even former best friends deserve to have their back covered. Time to patch things up?
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Hillary hoped, but it didn’t happen.
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Really great to have a friend who would cover so well for you, especially one who isn’t so close any more. Old ties run deep sometimes. If the parents thought she was staying with Allie, did they not know that they were no longer BBFs?
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Hillary concealed that development from them.
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I like that you’ve mentioned her parents’ reaction to her absence. It adds depth to the story.
And on an irrelevant tangent, I just realized that the heroine’s nickname could be “Hi Noone”, which made me think of the classic Western movie.
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I never thought of that. So far, no one’s shortened her name farther than “Hill.”
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Nothing like a friend covering for you, especially when you least expect it.
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A tale of good friends. 🙂 Nice! Allie has her back. 🙂
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The amazing part is, Allie’s no longer Hillary’s friend. She thinks Hillary made the unicorn up for attention. Hillary took her and Robin into the woods to show them the unicorn, but Allie couldn’t see it. Allie thinks Robin pretended to see it, just to be nice…
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