Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #48

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #48

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Hillary’s been camping in the woods by herself, protecting the unicorn. Discouraged by the difficulty of her endeavor, she decides to go home for a day or two.

A deep rumble alerted her the weather was about to change. She shivered and hugged herself as the wind picked up and heavy drops of ice-cold rain pelted her. If that weren’t bad enough, within moments the rain turned to hail the size of walnuts. She ran for cover, finding it under a large tree.

The wind changed direction, and the hail changed to rain again, now coming down in sheets. Water penetrated the spaces between the leaves of the tree, making it as useless to Hillary as a torn umbrella. The roar of the rain sounded like Niagara Falls. Wherever she looked, water swirled angrily, gravity forcing the water to rush downhill.

She slogged forward against the tide, but the water got deeper and deeper until it passed her knees and its power threatened to knock her over. Defeated, she turned away from her homeward direction and allowed the flow to propel her back toward camp.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 23? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.


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