Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #49

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Hillary is camping alone in the woods to protect the unicorn. Meanwhile, Dave and Beth, who are trying to capture the unicorn, come up with a plan to get her out of the way.

Dave and Beth hid behind two trees and waited for the girl and the unicorn to pass them. After they were out of hearing range, Dave said, “We’re never going to get it if she’s always with it.”

Beth pulled a tissue out of her pocket and honked her nose. “We’re going to have to be bold and take it away from her. You still have the rope? Let’s catch her first and tie her up. Then we won’t have to fight her off when we grab it.”

Dave smirked, considering Beth’s suggestion. “Brilliant. I’ll carry the rope, you carry the hacksaw.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

13 responses »

nancygideon on April 9, 2017 at 4:36 am said:

These two are so fiendish. I can’t wait until they get theirs!

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Ed Hoornaert on April 9, 2017 at 5:06 am said:

The villains busily plot their villainy. I hope they don’t find it as easy as they think to capture Hillary.

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on April 10, 2017 at 9:40 am said:
  
  Unfortunately, it’s two against one.
  
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Author Jessica E. Subject on April 9, 2017 at 5:48 am said:

Oh no! I hope something foils their plans.

I forgot to sign up this week: http://www.markofthestars.com/wp/weekend-writing-warriors-63-jager/

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veronicascott on April 9, 2017 at 8:19 am said:

Well I sure don’t like Dave and Beth! I hope something occurs to foil their plot….but enjoyed the snippet.

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kimmydonn on April 9, 2017 at 10:25 am said:

I get the sense this isn’t going to go as they plan.

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Christina Ochs on April 9, 2017 at 12:43 pm said:

Yikes! Hope Hillary and unicorn can foil the evil plan!

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Teresa Cypher on April 9, 2017 at 5:51 pm said:

Wow–Dave and Beth are downright evil! I hope the unicorn puts its horn to good use! 🙂

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Diane Burton on April 9, 2017 at 9:12 pm said:

I hope those two get theirs before they get tie up Hillary.

BTW, the link to my post is bad. I left off the “T” in blogspot, hence the red screen and warning. So sorry. It should be: http://dianeburton.blogspot.com

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amybraunauthor on April 9, 2017 at 10:31 pm said:

Well, at least they have a plan!

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on April 10, 2017 at 9:43 am said:
  
  This is the first aggressive suggestion Beth has made. Usually, Dave does the escalation. That’s why he’s smirking.
  
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Betty Mason Arthurs on April 10, 2017 at 6:38 am said:

Creepy. A hacksaw? Creepy!

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- Andrea R Huelsenbeck on April 10, 2017 at 9:41 am said:
  
  The hacksaw won’t be used against Hillary…
  
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