Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #50

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #50

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

In last week’s snippet, Beth comes up with an idea to get Hillary out of the way so they can get the unicorn’s horn. Here, Dave reacts to her suggestion.

“I’m so proud of you,” said Dave. “You evaluated the problem and came up with a solution. I knew we’d make a great team.”

“Save your congratulations till we see how this plays out. Up to now, most of our plans haven’t worked so well.”

“You’re always so negative.”

So, are you proud of me or not? Your opinion of me changes from moment to moment. Beth clenched her jaw to keep herself from making a sarcastic remark. Every time she let down her guard, every time her heart reached out to Dave, he’d do or say something stupid, convincing her she was better off without him.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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