Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #52

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #52

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Some of you Warriors might not be familiar with the Unicorn Tapestries, which were the inspiration for this book. Click here to see a short video about them.

Today’s snippet is the conclusion of last week’s scene. Hillary, who was tied to a tree, freed herself just in time to find Dave and Beth attempting to cut off the unicorn’s horn. Through her intervention, Bob (the unicorn) has escaped.

Eyes full of hatred, the man strained to get up. “You let it escape!” he yelled at the girl.wewriwa2

“You were hurting him!”

“All we want is the horn.”

“You can’t have it,” retorted Hillary.

“Come on, Dave, let’s get out of here,” said the woman.

“I warned you to stay out of our way. Next time you won’t get off so easy,” he threatened Hillary as he limped away.

What, or you’ll kill me? She trembled at the implication of his words.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

9 responses »

  1. I’m so glad she helped the unicorn escape! 🙂 A little more internal thoughts/attitude might give the last two lines a bit more punch.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I abbreviated this section to make it fit the ten-sentence limit. In my manuscript, Hillary shakes with rage and ponders Dave’s words before her emotions change from anger to fear.

      Like

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