Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

This will be my last snippet from The Unicornologist. I’m nearly done with the next-to-last edit. I have no idea what I’ll excerpt next week.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

The day after the conversation in my last snippet, Hillary (who’s been camping in the forest to protect Bob, the unicorn) hears a commotion and finds Dave struggling with the unicorn. She screams for him to stop.

Turning back toward the unicorn, the man thrust out one hand; Bob shifted away from a metallic flash.

He has a knife! “No!” Hillary squeezed between the man and Bob, throwing out her arms to protect the unicorn.

“Get out of my way,” growled the man, brandishing the knife.

Hillary felt her underpants dampen. He’s going to kill me–I should run. Then cold resolve took over, and she stood her ground.

The man pulled his knife hand back, ready to attack. In the next instant, Bob suddenly pushed in front of Hillary, and an explosion went off.

Yeah, I know–I’m a horrible person to cut off there. It’s that pesky 10-sentence maximum. What do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 25? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

13 responses »

  1. Oh, you are such a tease! Congrats on being close to finished with this story! I look forward to the story you decide to share next. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. She’s pretty brave, to be so scared and still stand her ground. I really want that unicorn to kick his butt, though!

    A possible edit for later–count up how often you use “the man” and swap a few for “the attacker” or something similar.

    Liked by 1 person

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