Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
I’m sharing from a “new” piece this week, Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. This is actually an old (originally written 20 years ago) story I never was able to place. I’m retooling it, hoping it could be a picture book for older kids. Here’s the opening:
Mike sprayed his truck with the hose, whistling while the suds washed away. The sunlight shone through the spray, creating rainbows if he looked at just the right angle.
He rewound the hose and grabbed his pair of car towels. With one, he quickly wiped off the water droplets; then he polished the surface with the second until it shone, reflecting his happy face.
“Hey, Mike! Look at this!”
Mike’s smile turned upside down at the sound of his neighbor’s voice. He looked up to see Gabe towing a huge canister behind him.
“This is my new Car Vac Plus! Want to see how powerful it is?”
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.