Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
I’m sharing from a “new” piece this week, Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. This is actually an old (originally written 20 years ago) story I never was able to place. I’m retooling it, hoping it could be a picture book for older kids. Here’s the opening:
Mike sprayed his truck with the hose, whistling while the suds washed away. The sunlight shone through the spray, creating rainbows if he looked at just the right angle.
He rewound the hose and grabbed his pair of car towels. With one, he quickly wiped off the water droplets; then he polished the surface with the second until it shone, reflecting his happy face.
“Hey, Mike! Look at this!”
Mike’s smile turned upside down at the sound of his neighbor’s voice. He looked up to see Gabe towing a huge canister behind him.
“This is my new Car Vac Plus! Want to see how powerful it is?”
I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
Uh oh! I have a feeling this vac is going to ruin all of Mike’s hard work cleaning his car.
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I have to admit, washing my car is one of my least favorite chores. Maybe a new vac would improve that. 😉 Hopefully it works for Mike.
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Certainly a different kind of excerpt today. I’m not sure if the car vac offer is a good thing or not!
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Interesting dynamics. You might not like the neighbour, but… they’re your neighbour and you gotta live beside them. What to do? What to do?
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Excellent start, Andrea. Good luck in your resurrection of this story. Can’t wait to read more.
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This does not sound good. A kid equivalent to “”Hey, hold my beer and watch this!”
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I can tell from MIke’s reaction he’s not so pleased at the offer!
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I wonder what he has against his neighbor — and also, what that car vac is about to do.
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Oh my, guys and car. I wonder how interested the neighbor is going to be.
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This is a nice beginning. I could picture his pleasure in the peaceful afternoon as he washed his car.
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I thought the scene really came to life – and I particularly liked the sunlight shining through the spray and creating rainbows!
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Well that’s a good way to ruin a good mood. Good snippet, Andrea. 🙂
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Sounds like he was enjoying his old fashioned way just fine. But I wonder how this new vacuum works!
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I’m with Ed — what does he have against his neighbor?
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He he, I sense trouble and possible destruction on the way!
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How thoughtful of the neighbor kid to want to help. Not. LOL You’ve got me curious about the neighbor, the kid, the canister. Great beginning.
I forgot to sign up, but I still posted my snippet. http://dianeburton.blogspot.com/
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I’m thinking this isn’t going to turn out well. 🙂
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