Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #57

Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #57

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Last week, Gabe noticed Mike washing his car, and brought over his new Car Vac Plus to show it off. We continue on:

“No, that’s okay, I’ve seen car vacs before,” said Mike quickly, trying to avoid one of Gabe’s disastrous demonstrations.wewriwa2

“Not one like this! It has the suction of a black hole! Here, let’s vacuum out your truck.”

“No, really, it’s okay, I already vacu…”

Not listening, Gabe unwound about a hundred feet of cord from the vacuum and walked to Mike’s front porch to plug it in. Then he returned to the canister, flicked a switch, and swoosh, the vac vibrated into action. Gabe grabbed the vacuum hose and, opening the passenger door, began vacuuming away. “You see that–look at this puppy pick up!”

“Yeah, Gabe, very cool, but I’ve got to finishing polishing the truck before…”

Please excuse the run-on sentences (due to my effort to stay within the 10 sentence maximum). I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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