Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?
After last week’s snippet, Mike manages to escape from Gabe before he can demonstrate his hydro-scrubber, but moments later there’s a knock at his door. (Please forgive the creative punctuation, which has been altered from the original to fit the 10-sentence limit.)
Mike peeked through the peephole. Oh, no–it’s Gabe. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m not home.
“I know you’re in there, Mike. Please open the door; I need to ask you a question.”
Mike sighed, unlocked the door, and swung it open.
Gabe wrung his hands and cleared his throat. “Uh, Mike, did I do something to make you mad?”
Mike looked down at his shoes.
“It seems like all my friends are avoiding me,” Gabe continued…
And on to the moment of truth. This is the last excerpt from Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. Next week I’ll treat you to a snippet from another story.
I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
ARHtistic License 
Well on the one hand, since Gabe’s asking it seems like a good time to gently tell him some truth…but of course some people really do not want to know…an interesting snippet. Poor Mike!
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I think it’s good that Gabe is noticing this. Maybe Mike can help him figure out why.
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I kinda feel a little bad for Gabe… 😦
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I know, right?! It’s so hard to have this conversation.
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Uh oh. Does Gabe have reason to feel repentant?
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I left out the sentence that explains what he’s thinking: How do I answer without hurting his feelings? (Trying to keep to the 10-sentence rule.)
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It sounds that Gabe’s question is sincere, but it points out how very little self-knowledge he possesses and how little attention he pays to other people.
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Exactly. Clueless. Like a lot of people. Everybody knows at least one.
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Clueless, indeed. Even when you try to be gentle, some people will never get it until you practically bludgeon them with the truth.
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Ah, the moment of truth. Will Mike have the chutzpah to carry through? Nice interaction here.
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Maybe this would be a good time to gently explain things to him.
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I always feel sorry for the good intentioned and clueless. They mean well, but they don’t always *do* well.
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Oh Poor Gabe… I think it’s a fun idea for a picture book!
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Thanks! I hope an agent will think so…
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Poor Gabe. And poor Mike, having to answer that question!
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