Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

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In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a dump truck from two boys in the sandbox. Then he took a little girl’s pail and shovel. Now he sees a boy flying a kite.

Buddy thought it would be glorious to make a kite fly in the air like that. He put the dump truck and the shovel into the pail, and slipped his arm through the pail’s handle. He walked toward the kite flyer, watching for an opportunity. Just when the boy was most absorbed in his kite’s flight, Buddy grabbed the roll of kite string right out of his hands. “Mine!” he shouted.

“Hey, give it back!” demanded the boy.

Buddy ran. The kite jerked, dove, and crashed into the ground with a snap; Buddy yanked the string, and the kite tore.

“You broke it!” cried the boy.

“Nyah, nyah!” said Buddy; then he tossed the roll of string, stuck out his tongue, and ran away.

I know it’s short (even with the overuse of semicolons, my attempt to stay within the 10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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13 responses »

  1. I kind of admire Buddy’s planning–he’s easily distracted, but he didn’t toss aside his previous theft before he executed his second one. On the other hand, he’s not very good at thinking some things through, is he?

    Liked by 1 person

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