Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

Standard
Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy appropriated a little girl’s doll and doll carriage. We pick up a few minutes later. Will his reign of terror never end? (Creative editing of punctuation due to the 10-sentence limit; not as many run-on sentences in the actual manuscript.)

Buddy sat in the grass and watched some kids play with a Frisbee.

They flipped it into the air toward one another. Sometimes they had to leap to catch it; sometimes their dog jumped up and caught it. They laughed and shouted and ran around.

Buddy wished he could throw the Frisbee.

One of the kids tossed the Frisbee way above his sister’s head. Though she jumped and stretched her arms, the disk sailed past her and landed at Buddy’s feet. Buddy picked it up and tossed it into the doll carriage.

“Hey, that’s ours–give it back!” the girl cried.

“Mine!” yelled Buddy, and ran away, dragging the doll buggy behind him.

Yeah, I know–he’s a brat. Justice is coming. Hang in there for one more week.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

16 responses »

    • Probably looking at their phones. But you know what? When I was growing up, your parents only accompanied you to the park until you turned five. Then you were expected to take care of yourself. We got picked on by bigger kids, but we dealt with it. Usually by crying and striking back.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s