Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
Lottie Loses the Lottery (picture book): Lottie has the worst luck. She didn’t win the lottery–but her next-door neighbor, Eva, did. How can Lottie shed her funky mood and be genuinely happy for Eva?
The morning after the party in last week’s snippet, Lottie’s doorbell rings. (Please excuse the run-on sentences. They’ve been creatively edited so that I can squeeze as much content as possible into the 10-sentence limit.)
An enormous package wrapped in colorful paper stood on her front porch. Lottie slid it into the house and closed the door.
Attached to the package with a ribbon was an envelope with Lottie written on it. She opened it and found a card. Because you’re you, said the front; inside, scrawled in Eva’s handwriting, was a note: I know you love your shows–when you watch, think of me.
When Lottie pulled the paper off the box, she found a television, a big one, nicer than the one she already had. “Humph,” she sniffed, and pushed the box into a corner.
Greta called. “I’m sorry you missed the party last night,” she said. “Guess what Eva gave me–a new sewing machine–isn’t it wonderful!?”
I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this snippet? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.