Oct1

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #74

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #74

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Lottie Loses the Lottery (picture book): Lottie has the worst luck. She didn’t win the lottery–but her next-door neighbor, Eva, did. How can Lottie shed her funky mood and be genuinely happy for Eva?

Money

The morning after the party in last week’s snippet, Lottie’s doorbell rings. (Please excuse the run-on sentences. They’ve been creatively edited so that I can squeeze as much content as possible into the 10-sentence limit.)

An enormous package wrapped in colorful paper stood on her front porch. Lottie slid it into the house and closed the door.

Attached to the package with a ribbon was an envelope with Lottie written on it. She opened it and found a card. Because you’re you, said the front; inside, scrawled in Eva’s handwriting, was a note: I know you love your shows–when you watch, think of me.

When Lottie pulled the paper off the box, she found a television, a big one, nicer than the one she already had. “Humph,” she sniffed, and pushed the box into a corner.

Greta called. “I’m sorry you missed the party last night,” she said. “Guess what Eva gave me–a new sewing machine–isn’t it wonderful!?”

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this snippet? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

22 responses »

  3. Sometimes generosity is hard to accept when you’re choking on envy. You paint a very clear picture of it here, Andrea. You can sympathize with her but still feel impatient with her spite.

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    • Learning how to be happy for someone else’s good fortune enriches our own lives, but it’s a hard skill to acquire. You have to be willing not to be the center of your own universe.

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  9. You’re really showing Lottie’s disappointment and jealousy here. Eva’s trying to share some of her good luck with here friends, and even though I can sort of understand Lottie’s feelings, she’s being a very sore loser and I’m not so sure if I were Eva I’d have left her a gift after she’d snubbed her by not going to her party!

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    • Eva’s one of those people who only see the best in others. She can’t conceive that Lottie wouldn’t be happy for her.

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  15. Eva’s party reminds me forcibly of a Northwest Coast Indian potlatch. A clan or chief would throw a huge party and give away mountains of expensive goods. Not TVs, of course, but blankets, food, and treadle sewing machines. The more generous the clan, the more they were esteemed by their fellows.

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