Tag Archives: Picture book

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #70

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #70

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Money

I’m excerpting from a new (old) picture book project, Lottie Loses the Lottery. Here’s the opening. Please forgive the run-on sentences. I’ve used inadequate punctuation to get around the 10-sentence limit.

 The lottery machine on the TV screen spit out numbered balls, and the smiling man announced, “The winning numbers are…one…nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine…forty-two…six hundred eighty-seven…three…two hundred fifty-six…nine thousand, nine hundred ninety-eight…eleven…and the bonus number is…seven!”

Lottie shuffled through the forty tickets in her hand. Drat! Not one winner.

Her phone quacked like a duck, and she answered it.

“Oh, Lottie–I just had to tell somebody–I won the lottery! The hundred-million-dollar jackpot!”wewriwa2

Lottie broke out in a cold sweat. “Who is this?”

“Lottie, it’s me, Eva, your next-door neighbor–isn’t it wonderful?”

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this snippet? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #69

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #69

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

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In last week’s snippet, Buddy had just stolen a Frisbee. In the final snippet of Mine? Buddy rests at a picnic table with all his illegally acquired goods spread out around him, watching what the other kids are doing.

A boy fished a section of newspaper out of the wastebasket, unfolded it, and crumpled the pages into a tight ball. He threw it to another boy, who kicked it to another. More children joined them. They ran and laughed and fell down and giggled and got up and ran again. The crumpled paper ball passed from child to child. Soon, every kid on the playground was involved in the game—that is, every kid except Buddy.

Buddy longed to hold that ball in his hands. When he could bear his envy no longer, he screamed, “Mine!” and pursued the object of his desire.

The ball changed hands repeatedly, always remaining just beyond Buddy’s reach. He ran farther and farther, not noticing that, one by one, the children dropped out of the game, retrieved their stolen toys from the picnic table, and walked home.

wewriwa2We’re stopping about five minutes before Buddy finally receives his epiphany–his realization of what his horrible behavior has cost him.

Next week I’ll share a snippet from Lottie Loses the Lottery.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy appropriated a little girl’s doll and doll carriage. We pick up a few minutes later. Will his reign of terror never end? (Creative editing of punctuation due to the 10-sentence limit; not as many run-on sentences in the actual manuscript.)

Buddy sat in the grass and watched some kids play with a Frisbee.

They flipped it into the air toward one another. Sometimes they had to leap to catch it; sometimes their dog jumped up and caught it. They laughed and shouted and ran around.

Buddy wished he could throw the Frisbee.

One of the kids tossed the Frisbee way above his sister’s head. Though she jumped and stretched her arms, the disk sailed past her and landed at Buddy’s feet. Buddy picked it up and tossed it into the doll carriage.

“Hey, that’s ours–give it back!” the girl cried.

“Mine!” yelled Buddy, and ran away, dragging the doll buggy behind him.

Yeah, I know–he’s a brat. Justice is coming. Hang in there for one more week.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

We left Buddy at the water fountain last week.

Hot and panting, he took a long, cool drink, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and looked around.

A little girl pushed a doll buggy along a path. Every so often, she’d stop walking and adjust her doll’s blanket or feed the dolly a bottle. She smiled as she sang a lullaby.

When a patch of dandelions distracted the little girl, Buddy flung the pail and shovel, the dump truck, and the basketball into the carriage on top of the doll. Then he took off with it as fast as he could run. One of the wheels hit a rock, and the whole carriage turned over, dumping the toys.

“My baby!” the little girl cried, trying to regain her pilfered possessions.

“Mine!” screamed Buddy. He threw the doll, the ball, the truck, the pail and the shovel back into the buggy and ran down a hill with them all.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a boy’s kite, and crashed it. Today we find him by the basketball court.

Two tall boys took turns dribbling a ball around the court, jumping high into the air, and dunking the ball into the basket–swoosh!

Buddy wished he could dunk the ball, but the boys were so big; how could he get the ball from them?

Two girls giggled, watching the boys play, and the boys showed off–swoosh, swoosh, swoosh! The girls clapped, and the boys set the ball down and moved closer to the girls so they could admire each other better.

Buddy picked up the basketball and threw it toward the basket. Three times he missed.

The boys and girls noticed Buddy’s failures and laughed. “Just put the ball down,” one of the boys shouted.

“Mine!” protested Buddy. He gathered the ball, the pail and shovel, and the dump truck, and ran all the way to the water fountain.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a dump truck from two boys in the sandbox. Then he took a little girl’s pail and shovel. Now he sees a boy flying a kite.

Buddy thought it would be glorious to make a kite fly in the air like that. He put the dump truck and the shovel into the pail, and slipped his arm through the pail’s handle. He walked toward the kite flyer, watching for an opportunity. Just when the boy was most absorbed in his kite’s flight, Buddy grabbed the roll of kite string right out of his hands. “Mine!” he shouted.

“Hey, give it back!” demanded the boy.

Buddy ran. The kite jerked, dove, and crashed into the ground with a snap; Buddy yanked the string, and the kite tore.

“You broke it!” cried the boy.

“Nyah, nyah!” said Buddy; then he tossed the roll of string, stuck out his tongue, and ran away.

I know it’s short (even with the overuse of semicolons, my attempt to stay within the 10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

droneflyer-nick-161833Starting today, I’m sharing snippets from another picture book manuscript, Mine. Seven-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back? Here are the opening lines:

From the top of the slide, Buddy watched the entire playground.

His eyes focused on two boys in the sandbox playing with a dump truck. They drove it around an imaginary road, loaded it up with sand, moved it to a low place, and dumped out their load. It looked like so much fun that Buddy couldn’t bear merely to watch. He slid down the slide and ran to the sandbox.wewriwa2

“Mine!” he cried, and pulled the truck away from the boys.

Startled, the boys looked at each other, shrugged, and dug in the dirt with their hands.

Meanwhile, Buddy loaded and dumped, loaded and dumped, and and made motor noises while he moved the truck through the sand.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.