Tag Archives: Weekend Writing Warriors

Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #59

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #59

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundayshare 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Picking up from the scary barbecue scene from last week:

Finally, he [Gabe] adjusted the flames to a reasonable height and scraped incinerated food off the grill. “I’ll get some more burgers and dogs,” he said, turning to the back door. In a moment, he reappeared with a platter piled high with hamburger patties and frankfurters—many more than two people could possibly eat.

In answer to Mike’s raised eyebrow, Gabe said, “I just want to be sure we have plenty. Would you like your rolls toasted?”

“NO!” said Mike, thinking about Gabe’s lack of skill with the grill.

In no time at all, the hot dogs and burgers were done to perfection. The men carried them over to the picnic table, where Gabe had laid out an assortment of condiments, rolls, side dishes, and Mike’s chips and onion dip.wewriwa2

“Wow, this is a lot of food,” commented Mike.

“Yeah, but we can handle it,” said Gabe as he ladled ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions, chili, and sauerkraut onto his hot dogs and hamburgers.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #58

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #58

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

After last week’s snippet, Mike tried to discourage Gabe from vacuuming his truck by insisting he had to leave for the supermarket. Gabe tries to convince him to come over for a barbecue (edited for brevity):

“But you gotta eat–might as well eat at my house. You bring the chips; I’ll whip up some hot dogs and burgers on my brand new GastroAtomic Grill. What do you say?”

Maybe if I say “yes,” I’ll be able to convince him to leave me alone for now. “Sure.”

~~~

That evening when Mike went next door, Gabe had his GastroAtomic Grill fired up so high that the flames threatened to ignite the overhanging tree branches. A dozen burgers and hot dogs were already charred black. Gabe frantically twirled the knobs on his grill, trying to get the heat under control. Seeing the concern on Mike’s face, Gabe said, “Not to worry—I’ve got my fire extinguisher right here.” He pointed to a garden hose snaking across the patio.

wewriwa2I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Have you taken the ARHtistic License Survey yet? Help me make this blog a place you want to visit often.

 

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #57

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #57

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Last week, Gabe noticed Mike washing his car, and brought over his new Car Vac Plus to show it off. We continue on:

“No, that’s okay, I’ve seen car vacs before,” said Mike quickly, trying to avoid one of Gabe’s disastrous demonstrations.wewriwa2

“Not one like this! It has the suction of a black hole! Here, let’s vacuum out your truck.”

“No, really, it’s okay, I already vacu…”

Not listening, Gabe unwound about a hundred feet of cord from the vacuum and walked to Mike’s front porch to plug it in. Then he returned to the canister, flicked a switch, and swoosh, the vac vibrated into action. Gabe grabbed the vacuum hose and, opening the passenger door, began vacuuming away. “You see that–look at this puppy pick up!”

“Yeah, Gabe, very cool, but I’ve got to finishing polishing the truck before…”

Please excuse the run-on sentences (due to my effort to stay within the 10 sentence maximum). I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet # 56

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet # 56

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

I’m sharing from a “new” piece this week, Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. This is actually an old (originally written 20 years ago) story I never was able to place. I’m retooling it, hoping it could be a picture book for older kids. Here’s the opening:

Mike sprayed his truck with the hose, whistling while the suds washed away. The sunlight shone through the spray, creating rainbows if he looked at just the right angle.

He rewound the hose and grabbed his pair of car towels. With one, he quickly wiped off the water droplets; then he polished the surface with the second until it shone, reflecting his happy face.wewriwa2

“Hey, Mike! Look at this!”

Mike’s smile turned upside down at the sound of his neighbor’s voice. He looked up to see Gabe towing a huge canister behind him.

“This is my new Car Vac Plus! Want to see how powerful it is?”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

This will be my last snippet from The Unicornologist. I’m nearly done with the next-to-last edit. I have no idea what I’ll excerpt next week.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

The day after the conversation in my last snippet, Hillary (who’s been camping in the forest to protect Bob, the unicorn) hears a commotion and finds Dave struggling with the unicorn. She screams for him to stop.

Turning back toward the unicorn, the man thrust out one hand; Bob shifted away from a metallic flash.

He has a knife! “No!” Hillary squeezed between the man and Bob, throwing out her arms to protect the unicorn.

“Get out of my way,” growled the man, brandishing the knife.

Hillary felt her underpants dampen. He’s going to kill me–I should run. Then cold resolve took over, and she stood her ground.

The man pulled his knife hand back, ready to attack. In the next instant, Bob suddenly pushed in front of Hillary, and an explosion went off.

Yeah, I know–I’m a horrible person to cut off there. It’s that pesky 10-sentence maximum. What do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 25? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #54

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #54

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

In last week’s snippet, Dave suggested he and Beth kill the unicorn, to make it easier to saw off the desired horn. We pick up with the next sentence:wewriwa2

“How? You don’t have a gun, do you?” asked Beth.

“No, but last week I bought this.” Dave crawled over to his duffle bag and took out a sheath. After hesitating for dramatic effect, he slid a hunting knife from the case and admired its edge.

“You’re going to stab it to death? Do you realize how much force it will take against an animal that size, one with magical powers, no less? You’re not strong enough.”

“No, I can do it–this knife is as sharp as a scalpel.”

Putting her face in her hands, Beth muttered, “You’re insane.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 25? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #53

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #53

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

In last week’s snippet, Hillary was able to thwart Dave and Beth’s plan to saw off the unicorn’s horn.

Back at their tent, Beth reevaluated their plan. “This is impossible. We’ll never get the horn,” said Beth.

“That’s because we’ve been going about it all wrong. We’ve been trying to cut a horn off a live unicorn,” countered Dave.wewriwa2

“You don’t mean—”

“Yes. We kill the unicorn, then cut off the horn. Easy as pie.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #52

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #52

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

Some of you Warriors might not be familiar with the Unicorn Tapestries, which were the inspiration for this book. Click here to see a short video about them.

Today’s snippet is the conclusion of last week’s scene. Hillary, who was tied to a tree, freed herself just in time to find Dave and Beth attempting to cut off the unicorn’s horn. Through her intervention, Bob (the unicorn) has escaped.

Eyes full of hatred, the man strained to get up. “You let it escape!” he yelled at the girl.wewriwa2

“You were hurting him!”

“All we want is the horn.”

“You can’t have it,” retorted Hillary.

“Come on, Dave, let’s get out of here,” said the woman.

“I warned you to stay out of our way. Next time you won’t get off so easy,” he threatened Hillary as he limped away.

What, or you’ll kill me? She trembled at the implication of his words.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #51

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #51

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

We’re moving forward several hours from the last snippet. Dave and Beth caught Hillary and tied her to a tree so they could capture Bob (the unicorn) without having to fight her off. When Hillary finally extricates herself from her bonds, she hears a commotion and finds them preparing to saw off Bob’s horn (the alicorn).

The man caught Bob in a neck hold and reached for his horn. He let go as soon as he touched it, apparently startled by its pulsation. Then he resolutely grasped it again and nodded to his companion. The woman had a hacksaw and moved it toward the alicorn. She practiced a sawing motion and moved closer still.

“Stop!” shouted Hillary.

“Go ahead! Do it now! Saw it off!” yelled the man.

The woman tried, but with a mighty lurch of his head, Bob deflected her and threw the man into the air.wewriwa2

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #50

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #50

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

In last week’s snippet, Beth comes up with an idea to get Hillary out of the way so they can get the unicorn’s horn. Here, Dave reacts to her suggestion.

“I’m so proud of you,” said Dave. “You evaluated the problem and came up with a solution. I knew we’d make a great team.”

“Save your congratulations till we see how this plays out. Up to now, most of our plans haven’t worked so well.”

“You’re always so negative.”

So, are you proud of me or not? Your opinion of me changes from moment to moment. Beth clenched her jaw to keep herself from making a sarcastic remark. Every time she let down her guard, every time her heart reached out to Dave, he’d do or say something stupid, convincing her she was better off without him.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 24? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.