Tag Archives: Weekend Writing Warriors

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #68

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy appropriated a little girl’s doll and doll carriage. We pick up a few minutes later. Will his reign of terror never end? (Creative editing of punctuation due to the 10-sentence limit; not as many run-on sentences in the actual manuscript.)

Buddy sat in the grass and watched some kids play with a Frisbee.

They flipped it into the air toward one another. Sometimes they had to leap to catch it; sometimes their dog jumped up and caught it. They laughed and shouted and ran around.

Buddy wished he could throw the Frisbee.

One of the kids tossed the Frisbee way above his sister’s head. Though she jumped and stretched her arms, the disk sailed past her and landed at Buddy’s feet. Buddy picked it up and tossed it into the doll carriage.

“Hey, that’s ours–give it back!” the girl cried.

“Mine!” yelled Buddy, and ran away, dragging the doll buggy behind him.

Yeah, I know–he’s a brat. Justice is coming. Hang in there for one more week.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

We left Buddy at the water fountain last week.

Hot and panting, he took a long, cool drink, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and looked around.

A little girl pushed a doll buggy along a path. Every so often, she’d stop walking and adjust her doll’s blanket or feed the dolly a bottle. She smiled as she sang a lullaby.

When a patch of dandelions distracted the little girl, Buddy flung the pail and shovel, the dump truck, and the basketball into the carriage on top of the doll. Then he took off with it as fast as he could run. One of the wheels hit a rock, and the whole carriage turned over, dumping the toys.

“My baby!” the little girl cried, trying to regain her pilfered possessions.

“Mine!” screamed Buddy. He threw the doll, the ball, the truck, the pail and the shovel back into the buggy and ran down a hill with them all.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a boy’s kite, and crashed it. Today we find him by the basketball court.

Two tall boys took turns dribbling a ball around the court, jumping high into the air, and dunking the ball into the basket–swoosh!

Buddy wished he could dunk the ball, but the boys were so big; how could he get the ball from them?

Two girls giggled, watching the boys play, and the boys showed off–swoosh, swoosh, swoosh! The girls clapped, and the boys set the ball down and moved closer to the girls so they could admire each other better.

Buddy picked up the basketball and threw it toward the basket. Three times he missed.

The boys and girls noticed Buddy’s failures and laughed. “Just put the ball down,” one of the boys shouted.

“Mine!” protested Buddy. He gathered the ball, the pail and shovel, and the dump truck, and ran all the way to the water fountain.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a dump truck from two boys in the sandbox. Then he took a little girl’s pail and shovel. Now he sees a boy flying a kite.

Buddy thought it would be glorious to make a kite fly in the air like that. He put the dump truck and the shovel into the pail, and slipped his arm through the pail’s handle. He walked toward the kite flyer, watching for an opportunity. Just when the boy was most absorbed in his kite’s flight, Buddy grabbed the roll of kite string right out of his hands. “Mine!” he shouted.

“Hey, give it back!” demanded the boy.

Buddy ran. The kite jerked, dove, and crashed into the ground with a snap; Buddy yanked the string, and the kite tore.

“You broke it!” cried the boy.

“Nyah, nyah!” said Buddy; then he tossed the roll of string, stuck out his tongue, and ran away.

I know it’s short (even with the overuse of semicolons, my attempt to stay within the 10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

droneflyer-nick-161833Starting today, I’m sharing snippets from another picture book manuscript, Mine. Seven-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back? Here are the opening lines:

From the top of the slide, Buddy watched the entire playground.

His eyes focused on two boys in the sandbox playing with a dump truck. They drove it around an imaginary road, loaded it up with sand, moved it to a low place, and dumped out their load. It looked like so much fun that Buddy couldn’t bear merely to watch. He slid down the slide and ran to the sandbox.wewriwa2

“Mine!” he cried, and pulled the truck away from the boys.

Startled, the boys looked at each other, shrugged, and dug in the dirt with their hands.

Meanwhile, Buddy loaded and dumped, loaded and dumped, and and made motor noises while he moved the truck through the sand.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #63

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #63

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

After last week’s snippet, Mike manages to escape from Gabe before he can demonstrate his hydro-scrubber, but moments later there’s a knock at his door. (Please forgive the creative punctuation, which has been altered from the original to fit the 10-sentence limit.)

Mike peeked through the peephole. Oh, no–it’s Gabe. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m not home.

“I know you’re in there, Mike. Please open the door; I need to ask you a question.”

Mike sighed, unlocked the door, and swung it open.wewriwa2

Gabe wrung his hands and cleared his throat. “Uh, Mike, did I do something to make you mad?”

Mike looked down at his shoes.

“It seems like all my friends are avoiding me,” Gabe continued…

And on to the moment of truth. This is the last excerpt from Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. Next week I’ll treat you to a snippet from another story.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #62

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #62

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

So many readers guessed the outcome of last week’s snippet that I’m skipping ahead to the next day, when Mike returns Gabe’s clippers.hedg-clippers-24249_640

The next afternoon, Mike rang Gabe’s doorbell.

“Hi, Gabe! Thank you for letting me use your clippers.” Mike thrust them into Gabe’s hands. “Have a nice day. I’ve got to get back to, uh, scrubbing the toilets.”

wewriwa2“Hey, wait!” said Gabe before Mike could complete his getaway. “You don’t have to scrub your toilets! Let me show you my new hydro-scrubber. It takes all the drudgery out of…”

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #61

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #61

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Last week, Mike asked Gabe if he could borrow some hedge clippers, and gained entrance to Gabe’s Garage of Goodies…

“Did I ever show you my chainsaw, Mike?”chainsaw

“Yes!” Mike answered as quickly as he could, but he was already too late.

Gabe yanked the pull cord and the chainsaw screamed. “Forget the hedge clippers! Let’s trim back your bushes with this! We’ll be done in no time.”

Mike waved his hands. “No–I’ll do them myself with the clippers.”

Over the roar of the chainsaw, Gabe shouted, “Hey, it’s no problem; what are neighbors for?”

wewriwa2Please pardon the run-on sentences; I’m trying to keep to the 10-sentence limit. I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #59

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #59

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundayshare 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Picking up from the scary barbecue scene from last week:

Finally, he [Gabe] adjusted the flames to a reasonable height and scraped incinerated food off the grill. “I’ll get some more burgers and dogs,” he said, turning to the back door. In a moment, he reappeared with a platter piled high with hamburger patties and frankfurters—many more than two people could possibly eat.

In answer to Mike’s raised eyebrow, Gabe said, “I just want to be sure we have plenty. Would you like your rolls toasted?”

“NO!” said Mike, thinking about Gabe’s lack of skill with the grill.

In no time at all, the hot dogs and burgers were done to perfection. The men carried them over to the picnic table, where Gabe had laid out an assortment of condiments, rolls, side dishes, and Mike’s chips and onion dip.wewriwa2

“Wow, this is a lot of food,” commented Mike.

“Yeah, but we can handle it,” said Gabe as he ladled ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions, chili, and sauerkraut onto his hot dogs and hamburgers.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #58

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #58

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

After last week’s snippet, Mike tried to discourage Gabe from vacuuming his truck by insisting he had to leave for the supermarket. Gabe tries to convince him to come over for a barbecue (edited for brevity):

“But you gotta eat–might as well eat at my house. You bring the chips; I’ll whip up some hot dogs and burgers on my brand new GastroAtomic Grill. What do you say?”

Maybe if I say “yes,” I’ll be able to convince him to leave me alone for now. “Sure.”

~~~

That evening when Mike went next door, Gabe had his GastroAtomic Grill fired up so high that the flames threatened to ignite the overhanging tree branches. A dozen burgers and hot dogs were already charred black. Gabe frantically twirled the knobs on his grill, trying to get the heat under control. Seeing the concern on Mike’s face, Gabe said, “Not to worry—I’ve got my fire extinguisher right here.” He pointed to a garden hose snaking across the patio.

wewriwa2I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Have you taken the ARHtistic License Survey yet? Help me make this blog a place you want to visit often.

 

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