Tag Archives: Work-in-Progress

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #67

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

We left Buddy at the water fountain last week.

Hot and panting, he took a long, cool drink, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and looked around.

A little girl pushed a doll buggy along a path. Every so often, she’d stop walking and adjust her doll’s blanket or feed the dolly a bottle. She smiled as she sang a lullaby.

When a patch of dandelions distracted the little girl, Buddy flung the pail and shovel, the dump truck, and the basketball into the carriage on top of the doll. Then he took off with it as fast as he could run. One of the wheels hit a rock, and the whole carriage turned over, dumping the toys.

“My baby!” the little girl cried, trying to regain her pilfered possessions.

“Mine!” screamed Buddy. He threw the doll, the ball, the truck, the pail and the shovel back into the buggy and ran down a hill with them all.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #66

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a boy’s kite, and crashed it. Today we find him by the basketball court.

Two tall boys took turns dribbling a ball around the court, jumping high into the air, and dunking the ball into the basket–swoosh!

Buddy wished he could dunk the ball, but the boys were so big; how could he get the ball from them?

Two girls giggled, watching the boys play, and the boys showed off–swoosh, swoosh, swoosh! The girls clapped, and the boys set the ball down and moved closer to the girls so they could admire each other better.

Buddy picked up the basketball and threw it toward the basket. Three times he missed.

The boys and girls noticed Buddy’s failures and laughed. “Just put the ball down,” one of the boys shouted.

“Mine!” protested Buddy. He gathered the ball, the pail and shovel, and the dump truck, and ran all the way to the water fountain.

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

 

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #65

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

Mine! Six-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back?

droneflyer-nick-161833

In last week’s snippet, Buddy stole a dump truck from two boys in the sandbox. Then he took a little girl’s pail and shovel. Now he sees a boy flying a kite.

Buddy thought it would be glorious to make a kite fly in the air like that. He put the dump truck and the shovel into the pail, and slipped his arm through the pail’s handle. He walked toward the kite flyer, watching for an opportunity. Just when the boy was most absorbed in his kite’s flight, Buddy grabbed the roll of kite string right out of his hands. “Mine!” he shouted.

“Hey, give it back!” demanded the boy.

Buddy ran. The kite jerked, dove, and crashed into the ground with a snap; Buddy yanked the string, and the kite tore.

“You broke it!” cried the boy.

“Nyah, nyah!” said Buddy; then he tossed the roll of string, stuck out his tongue, and ran away.

I know it’s short (even with the overuse of semicolons, my attempt to stay within the 10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #64

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

droneflyer-nick-161833Starting today, I’m sharing snippets from another picture book manuscript, Mine. Seven-year-old Buddy terrorizes the playground, appropriating everyone’s toys. How can the kids teach him a lesson and get their stuff back? Here are the opening lines:

From the top of the slide, Buddy watched the entire playground.

His eyes focused on two boys in the sandbox playing with a dump truck. They drove it around an imaginary road, loaded it up with sand, moved it to a low place, and dumped out their load. It looked like so much fun that Buddy couldn’t bear merely to watch. He slid down the slide and ran to the sandbox.wewriwa2

“Mine!” he cried, and pulled the truck away from the boys.

Startled, the boys looked at each other, shrugged, and dug in the dirt with their hands.

Meanwhile, Buddy loaded and dumped, loaded and dumped, and and made motor noises while he moved the truck through the sand.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #63

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #63

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

After last week’s snippet, Mike manages to escape from Gabe before he can demonstrate his hydro-scrubber, but moments later there’s a knock at his door. (Please forgive the creative punctuation, which has been altered from the original to fit the 10-sentence limit.)

Mike peeked through the peephole. Oh, no–it’s Gabe. Maybe I’ll pretend I’m not home.

“I know you’re in there, Mike. Please open the door; I need to ask you a question.”

Mike sighed, unlocked the door, and swung it open.wewriwa2

Gabe wrung his hands and cleared his throat. “Uh, Mike, did I do something to make you mad?”

Mike looked down at his shoes.

“It seems like all my friends are avoiding me,” Gabe continued…

And on to the moment of truth. This is the last excerpt from Gabe’s Garage of Goodies. Next week I’ll treat you to a snippet from another story.

I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #62

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #62

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

So many readers guessed the outcome of last week’s snippet that I’m skipping ahead to the next day, when Mike returns Gabe’s clippers.hedg-clippers-24249_640

The next afternoon, Mike rang Gabe’s doorbell.

“Hi, Gabe! Thank you for letting me use your clippers.” Mike thrust them into Gabe’s hands. “Have a nice day. I’ve got to get back to, uh, scrubbing the toilets.”

wewriwa2“Hey, wait!” said Gabe before Mike could complete his getaway. “You don’t have to scrub your toilets! Let me show you my new hydro-scrubber. It takes all the drudgery out of…”

I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #61

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #61

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Last week, Mike asked Gabe if he could borrow some hedge clippers, and gained entrance to Gabe’s Garage of Goodies…

“Did I ever show you my chainsaw, Mike?”chainsaw

“Yes!” Mike answered as quickly as he could, but he was already too late.

Gabe yanked the pull cord and the chainsaw screamed. “Forget the hedge clippers! Let’s trim back your bushes with this! We’ll be done in no time.”

Mike waved his hands. “No–I’ll do them myself with the clippers.”

Over the roar of the chainsaw, Gabe shouted, “Hey, it’s no problem; what are neighbors for?”

wewriwa2Please pardon the run-on sentences; I’m trying to keep to the 10-sentence limit. I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #60

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Weekend Writing Warriors, Snippet #60

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sundayshare 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

From Gabe’s Garage of Goodies (picture book): Gabe has too many power tools, and his efforts to help always end in disaster. Can Mike ditch Gabe without hurting his feelings?

Gabe's Garage.jpg

At the end of last week’s barbecue, Mike makes a request:

“Gabe, I was wondering—could I borrow your hedge clippers?” asked Mike.

“Sure–follow me,” invited Gabe, leading the way to the garage.

wewriwa2He raised the door, and Mike couldn’t believe what he saw: the entire garage was lined with shelves, and every shelf was stuffed with boxes, some of which had never been opened. The floor was covered with stacks of boxes and piles of tools. The men could barely squeeze their way among the merchandise.

“This section is the automotive department, and over here is the paint shop, and there are my carpentry supplies, and the lawn-and-garden stuff is right here.” Gabe wedged himself between an electric mower and a gas mower and slithered past a weed chopper before tiptoeing through a maze of rakes, hoes, hole diggers, and weeding claws. “Now, here are the manual hedge clippers,” he said, handing Mike what looked like an enormous pair of scissors, “but I’m sure my electric ones are here someplace.” Gabe rummaged around on the shelves. “I had everything in alphabetical order once,” he confided apologetically.

Please pardon the run-on sentences; I’m trying to keep to the 10-sentence limit. I know it’s short, but what do you think of this small excerpt? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #55

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

This will be my last snippet from The Unicornologist. I’m nearly done with the next-to-last edit. I have no idea what I’ll excerpt next week.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

The day after the conversation in my last snippet, Hillary (who’s been camping in the forest to protect Bob, the unicorn) hears a commotion and finds Dave struggling with the unicorn. She screams for him to stop.

Turning back toward the unicorn, the man thrust out one hand; Bob shifted away from a metallic flash.

He has a knife! “No!” Hillary squeezed between the man and Bob, throwing out her arms to protect the unicorn.

“Get out of my way,” growled the man, brandishing the knife.

Hillary felt her underpants dampen. He’s going to kill me–I should run. Then cold resolve took over, and she stood her ground.

The man pulled his knife hand back, ready to attack. In the next instant, Bob suddenly pushed in front of Hillary, and an explosion went off.

Yeah, I know–I’m a horrible person to cut off there. It’s that pesky 10-sentence maximum. What do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 25? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #54

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Weekend Writing Warriors: Snippet #54

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.

The Unicornologist ~ High school freshman Hillary Noone, on a field trip to The Cloisters, receives a prophecy: she is destined to save the unicorn. Though she shrugs it off as being preposterous, soon life imitates art, and she finds herself in mortal danger.

In last week’s snippet, Dave suggested he and Beth kill the unicorn, to make it easier to saw off the desired horn. We pick up with the next sentence:wewriwa2

“How? You don’t have a gun, do you?” asked Beth.

“No, but last week I bought this.” Dave crawled over to his duffle bag and took out a sheath. After hesitating for dramatic effect, he slid a hunting knife from the case and admired its edge.

“You’re going to stab it to death? Do you realize how much force it will take against an animal that size, one with magical powers, no less? You’re not strong enough.”

“No, I can do it–this knife is as sharp as a scalpel.”

Putting her face in her hands, Beth muttered, “You’re insane.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 25? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.