Tag Archives: YA

Snippet #27 from The Unicornologist

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Snippet #27 from The Unicornologist

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

Today’s snippet [edited to fit] is a continuation of last week‘s. Deep in the woods, Hillary and Robin heard a commotion and suspected it involved the unicorn (Bob). Investigating, they found two people (Dave and Beth) attempting to capture Bob. They interfered, and Bob escaped.

Hillary rounded Robin and got in the man’s face. “You can’t catch the unicorn.”

“Well, I almost did, and I will, next time!”

“Over my dead body!” challenged Hillary, her fists clenched.

“Come on, Dave, let’s go; we won’t get him today,” interceded the woman.

“Don’t you ever butt in again, missy,” shouted the man, pointing his finger at Hillary. “You don’t know who you’re messing with.”

“Neither do you,” retorted Hillary.

She watched as the man and woman retreated. When they were out of sight, Hillary turned to Robin and said, “Oh my gosh–I have to save the unicorn—from them.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 15? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Snippet #26 from The Unicornologist

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Snippet #26 from The Unicornologist

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

This snippet begins immediately after last week’s. Hillary and Robin have hiked into the woods to see the unicorn (Bob), and they hear a commotion. They investigate and confront two people who are trying to capture Bob.

A man had one arm around Bob’s neck and held onto his horn with the other. A woman struggled to put a bridle’s bit in the unicorn’s mouth.

Hillary ran directly into the fray. “You’re hurting him!” she shouted as she pushed the woman out of the way. Then she pummeled the man with her fists. Bob twisted himself out of the man’s grasp and galloped away.

The man squared off against Hillary. “What’s the matter with you? We almost had it.”

Stepping between them, Robin challenged, “Back off, mister.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 15? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.

Snippet #25 from The Unicornologist

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Snippet #25 from The Unicornologist

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

A few hours after last week’s excerpt, Hillary and Robin arrive at the clearing in the woods where she first saw the unicorn (nicknamed Bob). Robin picks her a bouquet of wildflowers, which she takes and lays down at the campsite she’s prepared in the woods, which she will occupy starting the next day.

            Hillary put the flowers down right where her sleeping bag would go. “I’m surprised Bob isn’t here yet. He usually shows himself soon after I get here—”

She stopped and turned her eyes to Robin. The alarmed look on his face told her he’d heard it, too—voices shouting in the distance. “Let’s go.”

They ran in the direction of the voices, not to the clearing but deeper into the woods. The voices grew louder, more insistent. Through the trees Hillary saw a flash of white and flailing hooves.

“Stop!” screamed Hillary.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 15? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

Snippet #24 from The Unicornologist

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Snippet #24 from The Unicornologist

Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the link to see the full list.

From Chapter 15: It’s the first day of summer vacation (after freshman year), and Hillary and Robin are in the woods, hiking to where the unicorn lives. Robin just griped about not getting to sleep in that morning because of their trek.

“You’ve got all summer for that, and you won’t see me for more than a week.”

“Yeah, isn’t that weird?  It’s our first time being separated for that long,” Robin pointed out.

Hillary let the thought sink in. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

“I feel the same way. Being an Army brat, I’ve had a lot of practice getting used to new schools, but this time, you made it a lot easier.”

Hillary smiled and lowered her eyes. Does he like me, in a boyfriend kind of way? The prospect of spending the day with Robin just got sweeter.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 15? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

Snippet #23 from the Unicornologist

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Snippet #23 from the Unicornologist

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

This excerpt from Chapter 13 comes soon after last week’s. Dave and Beth recently discovered a unicorn in the forest. Researching unicorns, Dave learned their horns are reputed to purify water. He’s called Beth to propose they go into business together, using the unicorn and its horn to remedy water pollution.

Beth asked, “Sorry–how are we going to catch it?”

“How hard could it be? We rent a horse trailer, and we bring rope and a bridle. We find the unicorn, put the bridle on it, and lead it to the trailer. Nothing to it.”

“I have a feeling it’s not going to be that easy.”

“We’ll bring sugar cubes or carrots, something it would like to eat, to tempt it with. Are you in–equal partners? We could call ourselves Unicorn Enterprises. We could get business cards printed up and everything,” said Dave.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

A Snippet from a New Scene in Chapter 13 of The Unicornologist

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A Snippet from a New Scene in Chapter 13 of The Unicornologist

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

The scene below happens the day after last week’s snippet. Here is the event they refer to.

            Meanwhile, Dave telephoned Beth. “Hi, beautiful, guess what—I did some research last night. Remember how it stuck its horn in the water?”

“Yeah.”

“It was purifying the water. Hundreds of years ago, artists painted scenes of unicorns putting their horns in water to pull poison out of it.”

“So that’s what it was doing.”

“Beth, think about it–if we could catch the unicorn, we could take it wherever there was polluted water and we could detoxify it. People would pay good money for that; we could even get government contracts. We could contact the television stations, and they would send their news crews out to interview us–think of the free publicity.”

And here is a tapestry from around 1500 which depicts a scene like the one referred to:

2. The Unicorn is Found

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

Another Snippet from The Unicornologist, (revised) Chapter 13

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Another Snippet from The Unicornologist, (revised) Chapter 13

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

Beth and Dave are in the State Forest collecting stream water to analyze for pollutants. After they observe the unicorn and other animals in the woods, Beth falls into the stream, and an amused Dave helps her up.

She hoisted her waterlogged handbag and passed it to Dave. Bending over, she plunged her hands into the now-murky water, feeling around to locate the jar and lid. “Got it.” Holding the jar up to the sunlight, she examined the water inside. “Man–lots of dirt swirling around in there. Oh, well; it’ll settle.” She fastened the lid onto the jar. Gripping it tightly, she reached her other hand out to Dave.

And when he took hold of her hand, she pulled him into the water in a fit of spite. “There–not so funny, is it?”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

A Snippet from The Unicornologist, (Rebooted) Chapter 13

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A Snippet from The Unicornologist, (Rebooted) Chapter 13

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

When we left Dave and Beth last week, they were looking for the fishing stream in the State Forest, so they could take a sample to determine the level of pesticides in the water. They finally find the stream, collect their sample, and notice some activity upstream…

Poised at the water’s edge stood a deer, a raccoon, a rabbit, and a pair of birds, waiting, their eyes trained on the pure white creature who dipped its horn into the water. When the creature drank, the other animals moved forward to do the same.

“What is that?” whispered Dave.

“It looks like—but it can’t be.”

The white being had an equine shape. When it raised its head, its remarkable horn pointed straight up. A water-soaked beard dangled from its chin, and its mane rippled in the breeze.

“What is it?”

Beth hesitated before answering, “It looks like a unicorn. But that’s not possible–there’s no such thing.”

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

Another Snippet from the new Chapter 12 of The Unicornologist

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Another Snippet from the new Chapter 12 of The Unicornologist

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

Thanks to all the Weekend Writing Warriors for your support and encouragement. The reboot of my manuscript is progressing.

This snippet comes immediately after last week’s. Dave and Beth, wannabe ecologists, are planning to take water samples from the stream in the state forest, but they can’t find the stream. Beth just climbed a tree to see if she could locate it. Dave is impatient. The conversation starts with him.

“I do have a better idea: let’s go home.”

“Wait–we agreed we would work to help the environment. Nobody said it would be easy; it takes time and effort and sacrifice. Look at me—my allergies are driving me crazy, but do you hear me complaining? Are you really going to quit, after we told the study group we were taking water samples?”

“Fine, but I hope you’re right,” said Dave. “This better not be a waste of time.”

“Hey–you’re spending time with me. Do you really have something better to do?”

He looked up at the sky and smirked, as if imagining twenty other things he’d rather be doing.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 12? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.

Another Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 13 (12)

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Another Snippet of The Unicornologist, Chapter 13 (12)

It’s time for Weekend Writing Warriors! Every Sunday, a bunch of writers post 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs. There’s a lot of reading, commenting and great writing. Click on the link to see the full list.

I went on a writer’s retreat last weekend. I wrote a detailed post about it, which will go live on my blog on September 24, 2016. However, you need to know that the consensus of the retreat critique group is that my story starts in Chapter Two. Sigh. After much soul-searching, I agreed. Chapter One is no more. So although this excerpt is from the same chapter as last week’s, it is now Chapter Twelve instead of Chapter Thirteen. I’m feeling a little disoriented, thus the split personality of this post’s title.

Beth and Dave, two wannabe ecologists, are wandering around in the woods, looking for a stream. They plan to collect a sample and determine the level of pesticides in the water. However, they can’t seem to find the stream.

“Here–hold my purse.” Beth selected a tall pine tree and grabbed an overhead limb. Wedging the toe of her boot into a cleft in the trunk, she gripped the next branch with her other hand and progressed slowly upward, with Dave, safely ensconced on solid ground, watching her. Cautiously, she climbed as high as she could, until her head emerged through the uppermost branches. After looking in all directions, she pointed. “That way,” she called down to Dave.

“Get down here,” whined Dave. When Beth’s feet finally landed next to him, he said, “Are you sure about this?”

“No, but it’s my best guess. Let’s try it and see, unless you have a better idea,” she said, wiping her nose.

I know it’s short (the limit is ten sentences), but what do you think of this small excerpt from Chapter 13 (I mean, 12)? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please leave your comments below.