Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
Lottie Loses the Lottery (picture book): Lottie has the worst luck. She didn’t win the lottery–but her next-door neighbor, Eva, did. How can Lottie shed her funky mood and be genuinely happy for Eva?
After last week’s snippet, when Lottie was tormented by a nightmare of currency blowing around her, just out of reach, she’s woken by a phone call from another friend, telling her about Eva’s good fortune. Lottie hangs up, and the phone rings again:
“Lottie, it’s Eva next door. I just wanted to invite you to my lottery celebration, tonight at six o’clock.”
“Sorry, I have to wash my hair.”
“Oh, come on, Lottie. You have all day to wash your hair. Please come to my party. I want to celebrate with all my dear friends—it wouldn’t be the same without you. Please, pretty please?”
“Oops, the teakettle’s whistling, got to go.” Lottie put down the phone.
I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this snippet? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.