Every Sunday, the Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday participants share 8-10-sentence snippets from their works-in-progress on their blogs for others to read and comment on. Join the fun! Click on the links to see the full lists.
Lottie Loses the Lottery (picture book): Lottie has the worst luck. She didn’t win the lottery–but her next-door neighbor, Eva, did. How can Lottie shed her funky mood and be genuinely happy for Eva?
After last week’s snippet, when Lottie was tormented by a nightmare of currency blowing around her, just out of reach, she’s woken by a phone call from another friend, telling her about Eva’s good fortune. Lottie hangs up, and the phone rings again:
“Lottie, it’s Eva next door. I just wanted to invite you to my lottery celebration, tonight at six o’clock.”
“Sorry, I have to wash my hair.”
“Oh, come on, Lottie. You have all day to wash your hair. Please come to my party. I want to celebrate with all my dear friends—it wouldn’t be the same without you. Please, pretty please?”
“Oops, the teakettle’s whistling, got to go.” Lottie put down the phone.
I know it’s short (10-sentence limit), but what do you think of this snippet? Any suggestions on how I can make it better? Please comment below.
Poor Lottie! Though the party may turn out different than she expects.
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Well someone had to win the darn lotto after all! But I can sure sympathize with your character. Interesting snippet!
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Lottie needs to put away her jealousy and be genuinely happy for her friend. I know, tall order. Hope she doesn’t lose her friend over it.
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Wow, she’s pretty adamant about avoiding this.
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I actually really like her excuses. 😀
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I don’t blame her, Eva’s really rubbing her nose in it – but I still think she should go, if only to show she’s able to rise above envy.
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Haha she could’ve picked ANY excuse and she goes with “I have to wash my hair.” I can’t make fun of her too much though, I’d probably be just a little jealous too if I were her.
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It’s hard to be happy for someone else winning what you wanted so bad. Great snippet, Andrea. 🙂
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I started typing but then realized I was saying almost exactly what Siobhan wrote. So let me just say “Ditto.”
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Eva is a little clueless, isn’t she? She has to know her good friend plays and hasn’t won.
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Good come back to the “washing my hair” excuse. Eva does seem to be a little clueless about Lottie’s feelings, though.
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